do i really like the dirty talk, or is melting into a puddle simply a natural reaction?
real talk, shifting gears: one day, I'm going to have to address my feelings about whether I even deserve to dip my toes in the pool. even dirty talk feels a bit like it's forbidden.
permission really is a hangup for me, and not always in a good way.
me, looking at everything the deviants do:
"am i allowed to do that? how about that? do i even QUALIFY for that? oh no, I don't think I have membership to that club... probably not allowed to enjoy that, either."
I have a lot to learn.
actually, half the shit i have issue with is easily phrased as "is this okay?"
still a permission thing, but sounds like a consent thing, too. and like i have to get consent from myself, as well as from whoever watches over me, which...?
because flirting was an "is it okay to flirt, and to flirt this much, and in this way, and with these people?"
at one point, "is it cool for ME to be gay?"
at some point it's gonna be "is it okay to be fisted by multiple guys on a calm Friday evening?"
@aewallace I honestly so rarely think in an "is it ok" sort of way. I have what I believe is right or wrong. I know others may disagree but often don't really... care? I mean, I don't want that to sound harsh or mean, but I rarely do let others opinions sway mine unless I want them to.
The answer, to me, is if it is something I want to try or do, then yes, it is cool. I feel my morals and personal beliefs will just keep me from wanting to do anything that isn't cool to do.
What's funny... I used to have a full imagination. Think I still do! Maybe it's not too late to let it out, play around, have some fun.
@aewallace never too late to try something out. Age only stops people from physically or medically being able to do things. If you don't have either of those excuses, you aren't to old for anything.
People create a lot of their own barriers, sometimes without realizing it. If/when you do realize, that can give you the opportunity to try and undo habits you don't want. It's not like if you don't do them this life, you can try them out some other time.
@Bjornen i know there must be a few things i do for my own sake.
still, it feels like it's been <unknown number> of years since i focused exclusively on what i think is cool, what i think is good, & let that guide me.
which leads to me being frustrated with myself. 😅
depending on how severely i ignore a particular desire, i may end up feeling like i have abandoned myself. it'd probably be easier to just go ahead & be myself.